It’s my birthday today. It’s not only my birthday; it’s my 30TH BIRTHDAY. That time when you go from those roaring 20s (and mine were) to the dirty 30s. And mine will be dirty, mainly because I have small children. I’m not sure if it’s because this year is such a milestone, or if it’s because I’ve just been focused on it the past few weeks, but I’m realizing that it’s time for a change.
A change? What on earth does that mean? Looking back on my life, I’ve realized all too recently that I’ve been living for everyone else. I’ve been making goals that I think everyone else will approve of, or I’ve tried to take friends’ dreams and make them my own, or I’ve made decisions based on what everyone else will think of me. Too bad for everyone else…I’m changing my tune. I’ve changed my focus inward because, let’s be honest, you can’t change anything until you’ve fixed up the inside. What good is a great-looking car if the engine is all jacked up? I’ve realized over the past few days that the more I try to change my outside appearance, the more frustrated I get and the more unpleasant I am to be around. And, darnit, the harder it is to actually change! We can all put on a good show when we need to, but who really wants to be around someone who’s just faking it through life?
My husband and I were having a conversation over the recent $550 million PowerBall lottery. He had purchased a ticket (or several, I’m not really sure), and we were talking about what each of us would do with the money if we ever won (as I’m sure many people were doing). I mentioned some additional certifications I would like to get, and my husband just rolled his eyes and laughed. He likes to refer to me as the professional student, and I know exactly why. I’ve recently gotten certified as a personal trainer and a running coach. I have yet used either of them to their full potential, one of them not really at all. And why you might ask? Because I’m scared. I look in the mirror and think to myself, I’m not ready for this. I don’t look the part. I have no real experience and am too inexperienced in both things to actually coach other people on how to run or do a proper bicep curl. All the other personal trainers out there are better equipped to do this job. If someone were to come to me for help, I’d screw up. I don’t know enough. And those are just a few of the things I feel I can put down on paper. I used to be a manager at a corporation. I knew what I was doing, and I was confident enough to teach other people in the industry how to do the job. I had no problem getting up in front of a crowd and lecturing on best practices and trends. Now, I feel as though I know nothing, and fear has been stopping me from moving forward. It has stopped me for too long, not only in my career, but in my life. No more.
I’m taking a new outlook on life, my relationships, and myself. I’m moving myself closer to the edge, and I’m going to make that leap. If I fail, then I will learn. If I succeed, then I will know that I can do it and will move to the next challenge. But this journey has got to start in my heart, on the inside. I’m not going to change anything if I don’t accept my self and my gifts as God has given them to me. I am no longer going to hold back, put off or save anything that would add happiness and joy to my life and to those lives that surround me. I’m done waiting for my life to begin…I’m done postponing my life until I “look or feel the part.” No one is better equipped or prepared to live my life than me. So here’s to a year full of failing, learning, growing, and loving. I can’t wait to see what happens!
I hope you start living your best life right now.