[Destination]: A Happy Mommy

Boy, there are days (many, in fact) where I feel like a Monster Mommy.  I’m constantly telling my kids “no” and “don’t do that” and “stop it”.  And, of course, there’s the yelling and screaming.  My kids do not respond well to that.  Then, I feel bad when I’ve made them cry, start to cry along with them, and find myself apologizing for the way I acted.  It’s bad.  And I hate it.

You see, my kids are really good kids.  I’ve been blessed with two very loving, very strong-willed, and very well-behaved daughters.  I’ve even been blessed with a boy (who’s on the way in October).  So many people tell me how well my daughters play together and how nicely they interact with each other.  And, I have to admit, they really do.

So why does Monster Mommy come out on occasion you ask?  Because this mommy has issues.  There, I’ve said it.  I have issues.  Unfortunately, I have my own demons that I have yet to deal with, and they come out at my kids when they’re not acting exactly as I think they should be at that moment.  I hate it.  My girls are 2- and 4-years-old.  They act like 2- and 4-year-olds act.  And that should be ok.

Being a mom is a tough job.  I know that when I left my life in the corporate world to be a stay-at-home-mom, I got a lot of strange looks (especially from the men).  I left a fairly well-paying position as a manager where I got to direct adults, teach them new ways of doing things, and run my department, to instead go change diapers, clean up the house, and teach my kids to share their toys and wipe their noses.  I’m pretty sure that some of the men in my company thought I was absolutely nuts, and that I was taking the “easy way out”.  My former boss actually told me that I would be back in less than a year.  Nice vote of confidence, huh?

I’ll tell you right now, I would not trade my life for the world.  Yes, I’ve thought about throwing in the towel once or twice (or maybe twenty times).  But then I take a look at my kids, even when they are screaming and fighting and making a huge mess, and I know that I’ve made the right decision for my family.  I haven’t seen my husband more thrilled than last night when he walked in the house, dinner was in the oven, and there I was, barefoot and pregnant, vacuuming the living room.  That may sound like something out of the 1950s, but honestly, I couldn’t have been happier either.  Life makes sense now.

So what’s the strategy from here on out in order to not be Scary Monster Mommy anymore?  I really don’t know.  There might be no way to avoid me this way, but I will try.  I’ll keep asking for help, look to God in times of need, stop and think about what I’m about to say, grow and change and become a better person all around.  But, for now, I have to accept the good with the bad and know that, while it’s not always easy, it is ALWAYS worth it.

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